*sassy Ish*

pretending has always been my comfort zone.caught in
between,tired of all the lies. who am i? what am i. do i even
know myself anymore.its always been a question. i can never seem
to answer, im fed up in the world i created myself, where a
different me existed. i know i was no different from others. all
we ever wanted is to love, be love and be accepted as who you
are. i know that not everybody can understand me.cause im living
in the world full of pretend. and i was doing a good job. better
than good actually.created lies,false identity. name it im
actually good on this game, where everyone actually believe on
it.. its like there playing my game and i am the master..
everything i planned would fall in places.. pretty face,catching
personality im so much more than that.i know its a bad thing. but
i just cant stop.

i have fooled more than a dozen guys. they love me for what they
see, they love me for what they created for me to be.it was fun
playing my game. i have no chance of losing, i mean i was the
master anyway. broke so many hearts, fooled so many people. doing
those stuffs does’nt make me any happier anyway.. i just thought
i would be .because being that pretend is all i ever wanted .. i
mean i have a good life.good career.i have so many friends. im
independent.but it seems in this world you can never always be
satisfied. i could give up everything just to be that person i
pretend to be.. when i say everything i mean “EVERYTHING”.
wishing for a impossible dream is like reading cinderella story
with a happily ever after. i mean its bullshit..theres no such
thing as magic no fairy god mother to grant your fucking wish…
if everything was possible life can be easier.

now i came to a point. that i got tired of playing my game.
i have nowhere to run but face the reality that i will never be
that someone i always wanted to be. its time for me to mature. i
have to move on and give up on that impossible wish that would
never come true even in my wildest dream..if i could turn back
time i would have undo all the things i did. all regrets from the
past.maybe i could have been more happier. but thats just life..
i just thought that i could do better than this..”i give up”
actually all i ever wanted from the start is to be happy be
appreciated,and to be love.. will there ever be someone who could
really accept your flaws and imperfections. someone who will
embrace the real me, someone who can tell me that everything will
be fine.even if the world will be against us..

if i could talk to all those guys i hurt before, those people
that i had build lies.i mean they never did anything wrong to
me.for me to actually hurt them i had loved them as much as they
love me, but it just come to a point that there love was too much
for me to handle. not that its a bad thing but i cannot tolerate
it cause im a big lie, im a pretend. i just thought that they
deserve someone better. someone real..
i maybe able to fool the people around me. but i can never fool
myself. reality is chasing me.its haunting..now it just got me.
my karma is striking back. im scared of the posibilities.
its not something i can run or hide from..i have left with no
choice but to accept it..
 
someday, somehow whenever i look in the mirror i woudnt have
to doubt my reflection.running is over,in pretending i was game
over.life is tough, but ill be tougher.

and lastly, in the other hand:)

“ive made mistakes in my life,ive let people take advantage of me
and i accepted way less than i deserve.but,ive learned from my
bad choices and even though there are some things i can never get
back and people who will never be sorry,ill know better next time
and i wont settle for anything less than i deserve”

Every girl thinks she can change a player, but the truth is, it’s not the player that needs to change, it’s the girl. Because every player is on a mission to find that one girl that makes him lose his desire to play. ♥